White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
