Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
