We're facebook friends in real life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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