ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
