How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
