TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
