i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
