I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they're like a gay fantastic four
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
