GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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