She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
