I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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