You work out of a Hotel?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
