went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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