My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
where am i from again
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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