Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
