I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
