Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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