a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
