wrigley field is MILF paradise
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
