i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
