The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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