Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
