grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
