How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
