Screwed.edu
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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