her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
