So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
