I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
