They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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