i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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