girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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