Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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