Me too!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
