Four minutes until I can fart!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
