It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
