So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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