OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We need to get me chipped asap
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
