Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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