fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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