You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
