This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
