I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
