the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
