dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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