I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize