Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
