my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
