so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
