i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
These tits shall not be calmed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
