she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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